When I was pregnant with #1 I wanted to do it without meds of any sort. I figure, my body is built for this! I can handle it! Only, as it got closer and closer to my due date I started to panic. At doctor’s visits, no one ever really talked about the birth. They made sure to find out if you wanted a vaginal birth or c-section and if you wanted an epidural or not, but nothing about the process that would take place. It was essentially “go to hospital, have the baby”. I read about birth plans that told doctors and hospital staff what you did and didn’t want to take place as far as medical interventions. I figured that it would be a given to just NOT do things if they weren’t necessary. The thing is, when you get to the hospital to have the baby, they have a great way of making you feel like this is an emergency situation that needs to be handled quickly and efficiently. You need to magically dilate to a certain number on their timetable…if you don’t, they try and force it. If your contractions don’t get more intense as fast as they like, they try to force it. If you are feeling miserable, it is easier to stick meds in your IV then it is to comfort…after all, they don’t teach mothers about comfort techniques before birth unless you can shell out hundreds of dollars for birth classes on top of everything else you “need”. If the baby doesn’t come out fast enough they try to force a c-section.
Now, there are great doctors out there. My doctor was great at her job, but she wasn’t there at the hospital. I got new people every shift change. Which means from day 1 when my water broke until day 3 when I gave birth, I had to reiterate that I didn’t want this and did want that. Needless to say that kind of gets exhausting in and of itself, especially when each new set of people questions you like you’re ridiculous for not taking the easy way out. At one point, I consented to Pitocin, a drug that forces contractions. I wasn’t having frequent contractions on my own and I was told that since my water broke I absolutely needed the baby out ASAP or he would get an infection and I would be risking his life. Naturally, I went with it. Only the Pitocin made the contractions happen too long, too intense, too close together…so their solution was to back down. Which didn’t do anything. So we played a game of increasing and decreasing the drugs for nearly 2 days trying to get me at an acceptable level of contractions. At one point they complained because my cervix wouldn’t dilate past 3cm. They wanted the baby out NOW and my body wasn’t ready…the solution? Drugs to force the cervix to dilate of course! Needless to say my body was furious and didn’t react to the dose of meds at all. They started talking about a c-section. Mind you….this was the day after my water broke and my body did not go into active labor on its own and their meds weren’t doing what they wanted.
Day 3 they wanted to put me back on a drug cocktail, but I put my foot down and refused. My body would do what it was designed to do when it was good and ready. They weren’t happy with my decision and they came in frequently to offer me the drug cocktail and check my cervix as an “I told you so!” I’m sorry, but I don’t know when the human body suddenly became unable to do what it has been made to do for thousands of years. Anyways, by the afternoon I started having contractions! They gradually increased and things were going great. Painful, but I was dealing with it. As soon as they realized I was having any pain with contractions they started offering drugs. An epidural now, so its still working by the time you push? NO! Some IV pain meds that you can increase on your own as the pain increases? NO. They just couldn’t wrap their heads around someone being OK with the pain. A very crabby nurse had come in to check me at one point. While she was doing the check, I had a very strong, painful contraction. Instead of doing the obvious and just waiting for the contraction to pass, she pushed down on my pelvis with one hand and quickly pulled her hand out while everything was still very tight. The pain from that movement was so intense that I vomited. She took this opportunity to ask, yet again, if I wanted a “little something” to ease the pain. Through tears and convulsions I finally agreed. It took mere seconds for them to hook up a bag with IV pain medicine and anti-nausea medicine (I vomited, so apparently that was cause to give me nausea meds and anything else they wanted).
I had Nubain for pain. I was completely out of it. My mother had 2 heads and I saw people walking on the ceiling. The nurse took this opportunity to ask my permission to have an entire class of med students watch my birth. I had stressed at every instance that the ONLY people I wanted in the room were my mother, my husband, the doctor and the nurses needed. In other words NO MEDICAL STUDENTS. I just wasn’t comfortable with it. However, when people have 2 heads and walk on the ceiling, you really don’t know what is going on and I apparently gave my consent to the class of students. I have absolutely ZERO memory of the conversation that took place, I found out about the med students after sitting up post-birth. I started to yell and cause a fuss until my husband informed me that I gave consent while under the influence of the drugs. Still don’t understand why any other thing that needs consent makes it clear that you have to be sober and mentally stable, but medical consent as a patient doesn’t count.
Anywho, back to the story. I got the Nubain and it was ok. At one point I started to come to. The pain was intense and the Nubain was officially GONE. YAY! I was human again and holy hell this hurt. They wanted to give me more drugs, but I refused. I wanted to feel this. At one point I called for the nurse and told her I was ready to push. She told me, “No you aren’t.” Excuse me, but I’m the one with the child coming out, I would think I could know when I’m ready to push. She argued with me about it, letting me know that I hadn’t dilated when I was on Nubain (they had been sticking their hands in me and again, no memory). I fought with her until my mom and husband both told her to just check again. To the nurse’s shock (and my satisfaction) I was fully dilated and the baby was coming. Her response? Don’t push, just wait. Here I am, baby’s head RIGHT THERE and they tell me not to push because they weren’t ready. They had me assume the position…knees bent, feet up, flat on your back. I yelled at first and the nurse snapped and told me there was no need to make noise, it was a waste, so shut up and push. I bit my lip and pushed. I had problems pushing just past the pelvis. The had me roll onto my side with a leg in the air and push. Let me tell you, that is nearly impossible. I went back onto my back and pushed my little heart out. According to the nurse, I was taking too long. They started talking about a c-section. I 100% knew I did not want a c-section so I just pushed harder. The baby’s head was close (finally) and it hurt and burned so bad. The nurse mentioned an episiotomy. I knew 100% that I did not want to be cut. They told me I would tear if I didn’t. I begged them to just put petroleum jelly or something on me so that it didn’t burn so much…the whole birth, they had been patting away any sweat (and god knows what else). They thought I was crazy, told me it wouldn’t help or make me feel better, and flat out refused to do it. I told them that I wasn’t pushing anymore until I got what I wanted. They threatened back that if I didn’t push they would take me for an emergency c-section and I wouldn’t have a say in the matter. According to the medical staff, I had been in labor for too long and I was being selfish and would be hurting the baby. Finally my mother screamed at the nurse to just get the packet of jelly and put it on me. Have you ever put aloe on a burn? You know that instant cooling relief? It was the best thing ever. I pushed and he came right out. No tearing either, thank you very much. The only problem was that I was bleeding excessively. I was made to believe that it was my fault for causing some sort of blockage or buildup when I wouldn’t push. In case you’re wondering, the prolonged dosage of Pitocin (I had it for 2 days) causes postpartum hemorrhage. It was their fault, but they wouldn’t say so.
The baby was healthy and amazing. They checked him out, let us hold him, and then the nurse came to take him away to the nursery. I didn’t understand why…I wanted to breastfeed and everything I learned was that I should try and nurse ASAP. I also wanted my son with me the entire time. They thought this was crazy and told me they would “take care of him”. I didn’t want him to have a paci or bottle of anything…I didn’t want nipple confusion or him even tasting formula because everything I read said that this can make breastfeeding difficult. I got my way and I was able to nurse and keep him close (much to their shock). It was so natural for both of us and I’m thrilled that he latched on so well. The next day they sent a lactation consultant to check on me. The lac consultant was a stuffy older woman that tried to convince me that I was feeding him incorrectly. According to her, I needed to NOT let him stay on one breast per feeding, but alternate breasts every couple of minutes. This made no sense at all and I ignored her and told her not to come back. Best decision ever.
Overall, it was an “ok” experience, the only thing that made it great was getting a healthy little boy in the end. However, there were way too many things out of my control and too many things that got pushed on me that I was never fully informed about. I wasn’t prepared for my birth and regret letting them give me Pitocin and Nubain. I can’t change the past, but I can definitely inform myself and make sure I have more control over my birth process for #2. I want to feel comforted and loved while having a baby, not like an inconvenience and burden.
the dubs life 